I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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