the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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