He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When are your genitals available?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
