How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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