last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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