My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
