Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
