Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
