I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
