i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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