I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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