he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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