hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
