haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
