8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
