are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
