she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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