I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
