That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
