im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
