Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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