Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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