She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had sex on a roof
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
