How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
