I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
