trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
