haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
