he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
