I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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