I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize