Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
