Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
