There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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