Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
