well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize