i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
someone owes me an orgasm
zippers are such a cool invention
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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