she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
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