So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
