i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
