do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
