Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
