You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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