like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize