even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
