I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize