he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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