Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the day after is always just damage control
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
