we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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