That's intense
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
