Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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