i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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