my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
