If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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