I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
