I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
