I wish I only lived at night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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