he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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