thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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