umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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