Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
