Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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