i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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