Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
