official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
