I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
