It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize