I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
