Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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