phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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