Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
